In Search of Sexual Perestroika

A few days ago I wrote of my disdain for dating sites. In the short time since that post has already become the second most-viewed in the history of SB, second only to my exposé of gr8tits2play. That in turn implies my readership is – if nothing else – sexually frustrated.

donothump

“But if you do, make sure your tetanus shots are up to date!”
Image credit: Frank Serritelli

The thing is, these days I’m not sexually frustrated in the slightest. I’m just bored.

Bored, bored, bored. Bored with the utter vapidity of dating sites. Bored with feigning interest to the point of dishonesty. Bored with seeing the same silly-ass prospects over and over again. I suppose it’s like shopping at the Soviet-era GUM department store.

sovietstore

Where the odds are good, but the goods are odd. And the selection always, always sucks.
Image credit: Pete Welsch

Quite frankly, getting laid is not an issue in and of itself. That’s never more than a couple well-placed text messages away. While my anxiety closet is still fully-stocked, that particular hangup became obsolete some time ago. I find myself increasingly wanting more.

As for the spammers, they’re only getting stupider. In the past 48 hours I’ve received e-mails from no less than four “women” named Boris who want me to hook up with them. Provided, of course, I click on links to their obviously malicious Facebook app.

Boris_Yeltsin_2_December_2006

Yes, ALL named Boris.
Image credit: Kremlin.ru

Keeping with today’s somewhat unintended Soviet theme (funny how these posts turn out sometimes), in 1991 Mikhail Gorbachev said, “We came to the conclusion that we could no longer continue to live the way we were. We needed major changes in every department of life.” Those words ring true for me today, albeit on a much smaller scale.

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