The Lamest Post Yet

Ack. Maybe I really should think about taking Sundays off. This afternoon over at YouTube I managed to take another much-needed swipe at “Here We Have Idaho,” but that’s all I had in the tank for today. Yes, I used Windows Movie Maker not 24 hours after dissing it in this space.

Told you it was lame.

If I ever needed an energy dome, it’s today. Hell, this post is so short I’m not even gonna bother with a jump.

800px-Devo_Energy_Dome

Whipped good.
Image credit: DarKrow

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State of the Blog

It’s gonna be a short, choppy post today. My synapses are firing about as poorly as a Cobra Commander-led offensive.

cobratroops

That is, even worse than a Star Wars battle.

I recently gave SB more search engine analysis apart from what WordPress graciously provides us bloggers. According to the fine folks at Alexa, SB is currently the 14,924,888th most popular site on the Internet. You know I’m humming the theme from The Jeffersons upon receiving that news.

Yesterday’s experiment left me wiped out. I used to recover quicker than this, but I also used to be in my 20s. Only 18 views as of 8:45 pm Command Center time today? That’s bad even for this silly-ass site. I guess y’all want to take a nap too. Well, except those of you looking for “gr8tits2play,” which is still by far this site’s most popular search engine query:

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She ain’t here! She ain’t anywhere! Damn ….
Image credit: Don Hitchcock

The Idaho state song occasionally produces hits. Until today I thought this was the most pointless site on the Internet to mention “Here We Have Idaho.” I was wrong.

At least the History Wednesday feature snags some intelligent queries. Be sure to come back tomorrow for this week’s installment. It will be a good one.

So, um … that’s it for today. Oh yeah, I’ll shamelessly mention “gr8tits2play” one more time to get that sweet, sweet SEO traffic.

Here We Have Tone Deafness

When I was a wee wiseacre in the 2T I learned about the Idaho state emblems. Every state has them. You know, state bird, state flower, state tree, state cottager ….

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OK, just kidding about the last one. Maybe.

Like every other state we also have a state song. Some state songs are well-known outside their borders, such as “Georgia on My Mind,” “Home on the Range,” “Oklahoma!” and … “Born to Run.” Seriously, you don’t mess with the Boss in New Jersey.

Our state song is “Here We Have Idaho.” Chances are decent you haven’t heard it, even if you’re from Idaho. There’s a reason for that. It’s bloody awful on every conceivable level.

Oh, the humanity.

Now please don’t think I’m picking on the performers here. There’s simply no way to sing this piece without sounding like you’re clobbering a rabid hyena with a Louisville Slugger. I chose this particular clip because apparently no one else wanted to be caught dead singing the song in its entirety on YouTube.

Just look at how this turd was constructed. The music was composed by a Sallie Hume Douglas in 1915 under the original title of (no kidding) “Garden of Paradise.” A couple years later, the original lyrics were written by a couple of people at the University of Idaho who were unaware of the tune’s provenance. By 1930, two other sets of lyrics were written because, why not?

Finally in 1931 the Idaho Legislature, noted patrons of the arts they are, declared the Douglas tune the state song along with lyrics written by the then-director of music for the Boise Public Schools. In other words, “Here We Have Idaho” was essentially written by a proto-Oprah fan and your elementary school music teacher. I’m somewhat comforted by the fact I’m not the only one to recognize its banality.

Oh but it gets better. The lyric, “Here we have Idaho, winning its way to fame” is bad enough. However, the original lyric was, “Here we have Idaho, scourged on its way to fame.” Wow, you can’t get much more metal than that.

Flagellants

Pictured: scourging your way to fame.

This state needs a lot of work in many ways. However, I think we can agree we need a new state song, one that’s not completely embarrassing. Granted, there’s not a lot out there to go on. I tried looking tonight on YouTube, but I didn’t find much. I did come across a band called Idaho in my search. They’re actually pretty good. Check them out. Unfortunately they wouldn’t work for this purpose, as they’re from California and their most recent album is titled You Were a Dick.

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There’s no way that’s getting through this government.

Still, write your legislator. Give Butch a call. Do something. If I give the world one less thing to laugh at us about, I’ve done my job.