Spring Cleaning, SB Style!

With the notable exception of laundry, I’m about as domestic as the Bhagavad Gita (or, if you’re reading this in India, Omaha Steaks). When cleaning is done around here, it’s on a piecemeal basis.

I’ve written in the past about my allergies. Possibly because this is the first spring in several years I’ve lived with multiple cats, they’ve been brutal. There are days when they’re utterly incapacitating. Curiously, Boise is ostensibly one of the best cities for allergies in the country. You know what I think about that?

You’re supposed to measure the allergens, not smoke them.

Sans Pants (Again)

A few weeks ago I mentioned I’m a bit obsessive when it comes to laundry. It’s my sole domestic quality. Being a divorced bachelor and all, I occasionally wash all my pants at the same time, leaving me with, um, no pants to wear.

Today is one of those days.

I’ll spare you further imagery.
Image credit: Stuart Chalmers

An occasional lack of clean pants at the Command Center stems primarily from two circumstances. For one, like many men I almost never go clothes shopping. Since I was separated in late 2008 I can count the times I went on one hand. One of those times was a few months ago in Portland when I found myself without a belt.

How the hell did this happen? Your guess is as good as mine.

The second, and more disquieting, reason is my weight. For most of my adult life I wore a 38 waist. Accordingly all of my slacks and suit pants have a 38 waist. The problem is over the last year or so I’ve expanded to a solid 40. The 38s simply don’t fit anymore. That leaves me with four viable pairs of pants at present, all jeans.

Yeah, yeah. “Go to the gym.” Easy for you to say. Recently because of my bipolar and other factors, getting up by 5 pm has become something of an accomplishment. It’s not that I don’t want to (no, really). It’s just that I haven’t been able to.

Besides, without pants even simple tasks like getting the mail become … shall we say, problematic.

No Tanning

So much for a productive week. I still need to take out the recycling, get a haircut and do something about this nasty ER bill. The Pyramid Brothers have been allowed to run amok and I still haven’t made it to the gym. Maybe later today, maybe tomorrow. There’s definitely a sense of procrastination around here, but I also think it goes deeper than that. What the hell is the word I’m looking for?

Stagnation! That’s it! Thanks, Leon.

In my defense the week hasn’t been a total loss. I managed to pay all my bills and file my taxes, although the latter was a terribly disappointing experience this year. I’m getting a whopping $10 back. Woo. I’ve also kept up on my laundry. It may surprise you to know I’m quite adept at laundry. Think Jersey Shore, but in Idaho, with about 100 more IQ points and absolutely no tanning.

I use bluing like a boss, y’all.

Obviously I don’t have anything terribly profound to say today. I suppose what I should do is get off the blog and make a to-do list of all the mundane crap that needs to be done. Spend my tax refund on bleach, yeah ….

I can’t believe I made it this far in the blog without a Dead Milkmen reference.